Let me tell you a secret. While Langosteria is well-situated on the upper floors of the gorgeous Cheval Blanc Hotel in Paris, the real gem is Le Jardin next door. It’s bold pops of color paired with good service and a short, but somehow thorough menu that boasts the fruits of summer is a nice contrast to the Langosteria next door. Slow service, and not just for a solo diner, for the the well-heeled families and groups nearby, looking painfully bored in their finery as well. As a solo diner I was only permitted to perch at an awkward counter that overlooked the kitchen. It felt like a mildly depressing singles bar as we were seated in this unorganic way. A few obnoxious couples made their way over as well and the whole thing was absolutely less than magic.

I stared into the bulging eyes of this red fish all evening. The poor woman next to me sat next to the fish scale while wearing this season’s Isable Marant.

I’m quite certain that I booked this resto based on their darling illustrations and the thought that maybe I needed a new try other than the gorgeous Le Tout Paris.

A glass of Ruinart rose was served with a shellfishy amuse bouche over cold tomato puree and was not so great.

The oysters, however, were the standout, served with fresh bread and butter- a new concept for me to have in between bites. I was defo a fan.

I was most excited for crispy polenta topped with red shrimp from the south of Italy. Tiny bites of perfection is what I was hoping for, but by the time they sat in front of me while I waited 20 minutes for a glass of wine, they just lost their appeal. Finally, I flagged down the manager for some help as I was being ignored by waitstaff which gave him a strange introduction to later ask me to show him around Geneva this summer. I left that business card in the hotel room.

The octopus looked like it had promise with crunchy bits, but was quite tough and couldn’t be well camouflaged. Perhaps, I was just so keen to get out of my fish-eyed perch, away from waiters bumping my chair, and managers veering towards unwanted flirtation that I just had run far away to the secret Jardin that would repair my evening…

With so many restaurant options in Paris save yourself from this experience.